Words of wisdom

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Words of Wisdom

1. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good, either.
2. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
3. I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
4. Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.
5. There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved by a suitable application of high explosives.
6. Tell me what you need and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
7. Accept that some days you're the pigeon and some days you're the statue.
8. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.
9. I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
10. Last night, I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?"
11. My Reality Check bounced.
12. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key.
13. I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.
14. You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
15. Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons because, to them, you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
16. Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
17. Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level.
18. Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?

If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark.
--------Michael L.

Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
---------Wendell Johnson

It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.
--------Weinberg

Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.
--------F Lebowitz

The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.
--------Robert Frost

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.
--------Franklin P. Jones

We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?
-------Jean Cocturan

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world everyday always just exactly fits the newspaper.
------Jerry Seinfeld