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Adult One-Liners

• Girl to Mom: when I see the neighbour's son, my bra tightens.
Mom: Next time, don't wear the bra, his pant would tighten.

• Cricketers drop the catches and condoms catches the drops.

• Q: What's a birth control pill?
A: The other thing a woman can put in her mouth to prevent pregnancy.

• Friends are like underwear - always a comfort.
Good friends are like condom - always protecting.
Great friends are like viagra - lift you up when you are down.

• A kiss is called:
Humanity if its on cheek,
Love if its on lips,
Passion if its on breast,
Sensuous if its on navel,
Sex if its on vagina,
and Bravery if its on asshole....

• This woman goes into a dentist's office, after he is through examining her he says, "I am sorry to tell you this, but I am going to have to drill a tooth."
The woman then says, "Ooooohhhh, the pain is so awful I'd rather have a baby!"
To which the dentist replies, "Make up your mind, I have to adjust the chair".

• Dracula dies and goes to Heaven. God asks him, what does he want to be?
He replies, "A thing with wings, that sucks peoples' blood..."
God makes him WHISPER ULTRA WITH WINGS.

• What similar things would you want in your coffee and girl friend?
Should be hot
Should be rich
Should be creamy
Should be able to keep you awake all night!.

• A couple just married was happy with the whole thing.
He was happy with hole and she was happy with the thing.

• Q: Why was Iraq war like anal sex?
A: It was an invasion you couldn't see.
It was painful without oil.
No way did you see Bush at the front.

• Three guys introduced to a girl.
Hi, I am Peter-not a Saint.
Second: I am Paul-not a Pope.
Third: I am John- not a Baptist.
The girl retorts back. Nice to see you all. I am Mary-not a Virgin.

• Santa: I am tired of changing condom everyday.
Jeeto: Why don't you get your dick laminated  as you have done with your Cell phone.

• Some gals beg and some gals borrow,
some gals lead and some gals follow,
some brings joy and some bring sorrow,
but best of all are girls that swallow.

• Q: What makes a happy man?
A: Daughter is on the cover of Vogue, son on the cover of Sports Illustrated, mistress on the cover of Playboy and wife on the cover of Missing persons.

• Q: To make it straight she pulls it, to make it stand she rubs it, to make it stiff she licks it, to let it in she pushes it. What is she doing? A: Threading a needle.

• Q: What three things are common between the sun and woman's underwear?
A: Both are hot, both look better while going down and both dissappear at night.

• Q: What is the difference between riding a bicycle and a woman?
A: Riding a bicycle you fix your ass & move your legs, riding a woman you fix your legs & move your ass.

• A kid asked the priest, Father, what is your pastime?"
The priest tapped the kid's shoulder and immediately answered, "Nun, my child, Nun!".

• Q: Why do men ask for a woman's hand in marriage?
A: Because they are tired of using their own.

• Teacher: Use "harrasment" in a sentence.
Johnnie: Her mouth said no but "her ass meant yes.

• Once at a fancy dress party, a woman appears nude, painted fully white.
A man asks, "What are you?"
She replies, "I'm the mint with a hole!".

• Height of foolishness:
A woman bathing in a transparent bathroom and Santa looking through the key hole.

• Santa giving speech to deaf people, rubs chest, touches groin and starts masturbating. When asked, he said, "It means ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure...".

• Q: What's common betwen men and video?
A: Both go backward... forward... backward... forward... backward.... forward... stop and eject.

• Have you heard the one about the homosexual who wanted to enlarge the circle of his friends.

• Q: Why doesn't Osama bin Laden have sex with his five wives?
A: Because every time he spreads their legs he sees Bush.

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